… dreaming …

… of kissing a woman I love whom I haven’t actually kissed, not on the lips … quite pleasant …

Will it ever actually happen? … Who knows! … In any case a nice dream …

“The Road Within”


Posted by VERITAS
Very much enjoyed watching and highly recommend “The Road Within” – excellent story, great acting.

Characters in whose extreme forms of behavior – and related thinking / mental processes – one can see tendencies to which anyone can be prone.  I definitely could for myself anyway.

“Undergrounds” Resonance:
This is very much a movie about self-acceptance, especially acceptance of those aspects of oneself about which one has felt the most ashamed, embarrassed, discomfited, etc., which certainly the case with a substantial amount of the material originating from my “undergrounds” …
As the saying goes, acceptance of where one is in the present provides the only solid basis for change … to the extent that change is possible … and to the extent that change isn’t possible self-acceptance is useful as well.

Jacking … Self-Pleasuring Update

Posted by VERITAS
Jacked …, no, make that “self-pleasured” — and a fantastic jack … self-pleasuring it was! — to some of the usual and some atypical (for me) fantasies; that is, to a Bitch Dom hybrid — the hybrid aspect being a RLW (Real Live Woman), a certain K, whose lithe, fit body I find quite attractive (I happen to find various aspects of her personality quite attractive as well), the hybrid possessed of full, firm, lactating breasts which provided me with an ample quantity of mother’s milk even as I fucked her, bringing her to the heights of orgasmic ecstasy as well as myself — a, yes, reciprocal giving and partaking of erotic pleasure, decidedly different from the usual one-way (with the Bitch Dom toying with me, bringing me to orgasm while remaining, all along, in Ice Bitch mode) Bitch Dom fantasy.

Perfect Choice

Posted by VERITAS
There is none, of course, when it comes to relationships — at least that’s the way I see it for myself, at this time anyway. Some people feel that in their partner they’ve found their one true soulmate. For me, I always seem, when in a sexual-romantic relationship, to find myself feeling acutely the necessary foregoing of other possibilities, or at least seeming possibilities.

Is this one reason I’ve entered into sexual and/or romantic relationships so seldom, so far anyway, in my life?

An unwillingness to sully a horizon of purest potential with a commitment to / involvement in an actual, imperfect relationship that, to the degree it requires commitments of time, focus, and energy, closes off other possibilities?

To A Crisp

Posted by VERITAS
Having my weekly shiatsu on my birthday and the next customer comes in — 89 year-old woman; was a teen living in shitamachi (the traditional, downtown area of Tokyo, its neighborhoods solid at the time with wood frame homes–ready kindling); was there the night of March 9-10, 1945 — the American firebombing — and somehow managed to survive; saw the babies, and others, burned to a crisp–charcoal in human form…

"Tokyo kushu 1945-3" by English: Ishikawa Kōyō - 写真のアップローダが出典を示していないのでどこからこの写真を持ってきたのか不明だが、該当写真は1953年8月15日発行の「東京大空襲秘録写真集」(雄鶏社刊)の12, 13ページに「道路一杯に横たわる焼死体、誰とも知れぬ一片の灰のかたまりにすぎないが…」のキャプション付きで掲載されているので著作権問題はクリアされている。. Licensed under Public Domain via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tokyo_kushu_1945-3.jpg#/media/File:Tokyo_kushu_1945-3.jpg

Firebombing of Tokyo – Charred Bodies

"Tokyo kushu 1945-2" by English: Ishikawa Kōyō - 写真のアップローダが出典を示していないのでどこからこの写真を持ってきたのか不明だが、該当写真は1953年8月15日発行の「東京大空襲秘録写真集」(雄鶏社刊)の13ページに「年若い母と子の命を奪つた3月10日の猛火の跡」のキャプション付きで掲載されているので著作権問題はクリアされている。. Licensed under Public Domain via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tokyo_kushu_1945-2.jpg#/media/File:Tokyo_kushu_1945-2.jpg

Tokyo Firebombing – Charred Body of a Woman Who Was Carrying a Child on Her Back

… Also once saw MacArthur, she says, riding in a jeep through Ginza once the Occupation had set in; said he was as handsome in real life as he looked in pictures, wearing his sunglasses, holding the bowl of his corncob pipe, surveying the passing scene as the jeep moved down the street to stop in front of the GHQ where he dismounted, went in.  The woman says Japanese loved MacCarthur because they could feel he loved Japan …

… My eyes grow wet, tears flow under the layers of thin towels S-san, the shiatsu therapist-magician, has placed over my face, as I hear these things … My session ends, I get off the massage table, say hello to the woman, that it was nice to meet her. “Your cheeks are red,” S-san says, smiling tenderly as I prepare to leave. “That’s OK right?” I answer.  S-san smiles, nods.