Jacking Update

Posted by VERITAS
Woke from sleep with a code red urge to jack; no worries as I keep the calendula oil close at hand and proceeded to jack forthwith to the usual fantasies – the Bitch Dom easily seducing me with her perfect body, perfect allure; the Bitch Dom applying the calendula to my nipples, breasts, cock in copious dollops; the Bitch Dom licking, stroking my nipples, cock to max-hardness; the Bitch Dom, in a state of lactation, breast-feeding me until my thirst for her milk is completely satisfied … and with, as has been happening more frequently lately, the Ice-Bitch-Melts variant of the Bitch Dom herself losing control as we fuck, the two of us coming together …

The resonance, as usual, with what I strongly suspect may have been the situation from my earliest infancy, into and through my toddler-hood: my father sexually abusing me in the various ways I remember him doing from the earliest remembered incident when I was three or four; my mother beautiful, attractive to me, but unaware her husband, my father, was abusing me, or, at least, suppressing her awareness, minimizing it to something close to zero; my mother, according to one of her letters from about ten or fifteen years ago, having breast-fed me for only two weeks and then stopping because she didn’t have enough milk (which I suspect was due to her having, a la mode for the 1950s, fed me on a strict time schedule, which according to Internet research, as such strict scheduling contravenes natural cycles of milk production and consumption between mother and child, can easily render a mother’s milk supplies inadequate); my experience with, perception of my mother having, on some levels, been sexualized – more than an infant, toddler’s experience of their mother would normally be – by my father’s sexual abuse; and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah …

And the usual questions:
– Do the Bitch Dom fantasies, in some way, form some sort of protective barrier, or, at least, moderating buffer, between my present consciousness and any suppressed or compartmentalized (or however you want to term it) memories that may be lurking in my subconscious of the complete hell of what the actual situation must have been like if my above-noted suspicions regarding my infant- and toddler-hood home environment – with respect to the effect of my father’s sexual abuse, my mother’s inability to respond effectively to such abuse, etc. – are correct?
– Can these fantasies as well as my indulging them (to the extent that I intentionally indulge them – so strong is their allure, when jacking, that I often feel little or no control over having them) and my otherwise focusing on them in these postings and otherwise in my thoughts help provide a path in my life to greater freedom, or do these fantasies simply help to keep me stuck with baggage it might be better, in one sense or another, to let go of?
– And so on …

“The Road Within”


Posted by VERITAS
Very much enjoyed watching and highly recommend “The Road Within” – excellent story, great acting.

Characters in whose extreme forms of behavior – and related thinking / mental processes – one can see tendencies to which anyone can be prone.  I definitely could for myself anyway.

“Undergrounds” Resonance:
This is very much a movie about self-acceptance, especially acceptance of those aspects of oneself about which one has felt the most ashamed, embarrassed, discomfited, etc., which certainly the case with a substantial amount of the material originating from my “undergrounds” …
As the saying goes, acceptance of where one is in the present provides the only solid basis for change … to the extent that change is possible … and to the extent that change isn’t possible self-acceptance is useful as well.

Tell Governor Brown: No More Fracking Wastewater on Our Food!

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Posted by VERITAS
Healthy bodies / healthy planet . . .

Source: Tell Governor Brown: No More Fracking Wastewater on Our Food!

“Undergrounds” Resonance:
Healing from CSA and all the “undergrounds” darkness it produces means focusing, among other things, on nurturing a healthy body through, among other things, being able to eat healthy food, which resonates, of course, with nurturing the conditions for growing such food and, overall, for restoring, to the degree possible, and maintaining a healthy planet.


Here is Food & Water Watch‘s suggested message, using the above link, to send to California’s Governor Brown:
“I urge you to stop the sale of toxic oil and frack wastewater to irrigate crops in California. This water carries dangerous chemicals like acetone and benzene. This practice has not been proven safe, so it should not continue.

This wastewater is not tested for chemicals used in fracking and oil production. There is absolutely no way for us to know whether and how much of these dangerous chemicals are getting into our food supply and onto dinner plates across the country.

Water sampling conducted by the organization Water Defense over the past two years found high levels of the industrial solvents acetone and methylene chloride in the irrigation canals. These chemicals are toxic to humans, and methylene chloride is a known carcinogen.”

Dream Rendezvous

Posted by VERITAS
Taking a brief – less than ten minute – nap, I dreamed I was going to Crayonhouse to have dinner at their organic restaurant with Thích Nhất Hạnh – that or to observe Thích Nhất Hạnh having dinner – the mindfulness of his eating.

Base Beat Write Frag

Posted by VERITAS
. . . while visiting Princeton, NJ . . . Internet connection not working in this coffeehouse that I thought, hoped would be adequate for writing so I can’t open the streaming music app I like to use, have made several writing-supportive instrumental playlists ( Spanish Guitar Music, Ravi Shankar and Related, and so on) on, with the result that the base beat of the coffeehouse’s BGM, despite it’s relatively low volume, frags my concentration, so I exit this establishment, continuing my search for a perfect or, at least, adequate (i.e., clean, well-lighted, and BGM-less or BGM-quiet and with an Internet connection robust enough that my playlists from the streaming music app can stream and drown out the BGM) coffeehouse for writing . . .