Spooky Action . . . Monk Wannabe

Posted by VERITAS
Nailed another CR (cockroach) … by mistake.

You see, I meant to capture it with the plastic container I use for such purposes, placing the container over wherever the CR, whether stationary or moving, happens to be on the floor, then sliding, first a thin, plastic pamphlet cover under the container, then a sturdier piece of cardboard under the cover so that I can then lift the container with its captured CR from the floor without risk of losing it, take it outside, and then free it under some nearby shrubbery that borders a nearby apartment building.

Only thing was, this time things didn’t work out as planned, for you see, the CR was running so fast — or I was so slow — that when I brought the plastic container down over it, it outran the space inside where the container’s sides came down. Specifically, it outran this space to the extent of its head, the result being that its head was severed from its body by the edge of the container. A container guillotine if you will.

I felt quite bummed about this, and was about to look for whatever it was I could use — a junk mail pamphlet or whatever — to smash head and body both in order to put the CR out of its misery, when something quite spooky happened: the CR’s severed head spun 180 degrees to face in the direction of the rest of its body, which was just inside the upside down plastic box.

I didn’t realize a CR’s head had any muscles that would allow the head to accomplish such a movement. … And, if the head in fact doesn’t have any such muscles, then how was the movement accomplished. Was it some sort of “spooky action,” to borrow from Einstein’s view of quantum physics, that allowed this movement — some sort of alignment of quantum spin between atoms in the head and atoms in the rest of the body, or, at least, some something equally mysterious and metaphorically similar?

In a different, imagined life, I am a monk doing perpetual penance for my sins in this life. A monk contentedly sweeping the floor of a temple that is, blessedly, CR-free …

Jacking Posting Fixation

Posted by VERITAS
Wondering where all my posting about jacking, mostly (or entirely?) mine own, is coming (no pun intended) from.  A good place?  A bad place?  Or some of both?

A Good Place:
– Per a healthy desire to free myself from all residual (or a lot more than residual) jack guilt (i.e., guilt about or in some significant fashion otherwise related to jacking) deriving from my father having sexually abused me by, among other things:
— jacking me off;
— jacking off in front of me.

A Bad Place:
– Perhaps my “Jacking Update”s and other jacking related posts are themselves a manifestation of the jack guilt; i.e., an attempt to counter said guilt by being verbally exhibitionistic with respect to my jacking, which verbal exhibitionism simply leaves me wallowing, cock-deep, in the guilt or, at least, in a self-obsessed jacking mentality …

I’m inclined to think these “good place” / “bad place” takes are simply two takes on the same situation, two sides of the same coin, so that the total positive versus negative effect of my jacking posting turns out, in the end, to be a wash (metaphorically speaking of course, as I always jack naked and adequately distanced from any clothing so as to avoid any need to wash clothes of any jacking residue . . . “residue” – what a negative term to use for one’s own semen, which tells me some significant degree of negativity in attitude towards jacking and my sexuality in general may well continue to reside within my subconscious . . .

Added to this, why are my updates “jacking” updates? Why not “self-pleasuring” updates? Doesn’t my use of such pejorative language indeed indicate that, deep down, or at some level anyway, I have bad feelings about these matters? Or is my use of “jacking” simply an attempt to be provocative?

Doubt

Posted by VERITAS
Roused by an unremembered dream, I lie awake in pre-dawn hours doubting the worth of these Notes. Do they possess any value at all, save, perhaps, as occasional fodder for the bemusement of readers?

And yet by, among other functions of these Notes, examining precisely those things about which I’ve heretofore felt the most embarrassed and ashamed, I hope to gain some enlightenment and to provide it to others as well.

Shortage

Posted by VERITAS
Shortage of funds … deepest shame
Shortage of hope … deepest sadness
A benefactor helps with the shortage of funds
But the shame remains, the sadness even more so