Hamster Spank Toddler-Hood

Posted by VERITAS
Jacking Update:
Jacked to the usual fantasies with the not uncommon ending twist of me disengaging from my sub behavior and the Bitch Dom from her dom behavior to enjoy, in the final blissful moments leading to climax then through the climax itself, a sub-free, dom-free, perfect equality of power and union.

… And jacked, as well, in the earlier stages of the jack, to a heretofore, to the best of my memory, unimagined link in the chain erotic-pleasure-suffused humiliations my imagination has the Bitch Dom put me through, enhancing the exquisite degradation of these humiliations to an unprecedented degree: the new link being an image of the Bitch Dom, having placed me on — ordered me onto — a treadmill so that I’m on the treadmill on all fours, then, with the tap of a button, starting the treadmill moving so that I have to “run” on all fours to stay in one position so as not to fall off the treadmill, and, as I do so, the Bitch Dom spanking me and spanking me, and, as she does so, laughing with the most pleasurable of sadistic ecstasy at the look of utter humiliation and bewilderment on my face as all this is happening; at the humiliation of the overall sight of this new link that she has contrived (that my imagination has imagined her contriving), and at the notion that she was able to contrive it and then, with my doing her bidding, to carry it through.

The jacking completed, the fantasy over, I now contemplate the possible connections between this new link in my Bitch Dom fantasy chain to my childhood environment during my toddler-hood — an environment in which, based on the sexual abuse I do remembered my father subjecting me to starting from only a year or two after this crawling, toddling phase of my life, I imagine I was experiencing my father’s sexual abuse at this earlier (crawling, toddling) phase as well, and an environment in which I was experiencing, also, my mother’s blindness, however willful it may to some degree have been, to what my father was doing to me.  An environment in which my mother may well have sometimes spanked me, and my father may have done so as well, and in which the reason for my mother’s spanking me may sometimes have been my having acted out the sexual abuse I was experiencing from my father by masturbating.  An environment in which I may have truly been on a treadmill — a continuous cycle — of sexual stimulation and humiliation by my father as he abused me followed by my acting out behavior followed by my mother’s punishment for acting out the abuse, and/or in which my mother, in her however willful blindness, may sometimes have responded with laughter, in an attempt to leaven my and her own mood, in response to the look of bewilderment and humiliation she could see on my face, which look may have often been triggered by any one or more of many mundane failures toddlers experience in their daily lives — failures in their abilities to do what they want to do, move as they would like to move, etc. — but which look, expression may have been enhanced manifold in its intensity by the far more profound feelings of bewilderment and humiliation, connected to my father’s sexual abuse, which such mundane triggers may have activated, thereby making it seem, to my toddler’s mind, although through subconscious mental processes, as though my mother were making light of the bewilderment and humiliation I was experiencing during my father’s abuse.

From such a childhood environment — of sexual abuse by my father together with my mother’s blind neglect and/or discounting of feelings of bewilderment and humiliation I experienced during the abuse and when they would be triggered afterward — from such a childhood seedbed, I sense, the Bitch Dom was born, by degrees, in my adolescent and adult imagination.

These, at least, are my speculations, which I feel have a good chance of being accurate to some significant degree.